benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
