My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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