yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
