But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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