The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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