Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
