Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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