she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
