Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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