So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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