i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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