people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
