we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
