I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
