Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
