All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
