On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
