i just wanna soil my oats bro
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
