eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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