so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you will always have a special place in my vag
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You're a waste of cheezeits
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I want a musical about memes.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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