the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
