Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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