you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
