I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
