He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
