Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
