eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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