I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
