Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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