I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
