You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I am midnight drunk by noon
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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