You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
