i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
