she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
