So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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