He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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