i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
