Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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