I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
