At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
