remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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