i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
