If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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