there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
