Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
