i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
