So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
