Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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