i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
