Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If I die, sorry about rent.
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