I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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