no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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