Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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